restless, my mind is. thinking too much, yet can’t put a label on a single thought of mine…
march 23rd 1920 - october 13th 2012.
rest in peace grandma.
i’m sorry if i wasn’t the nice little girl that i was supposed to be. i’m sorry for every mean things that i ever said to you as a kid. i was stupid. the older i got, the more i tried to understand you. it was really hard because you and i had a 80 years difference gap. we didn’t think alike but somehow manage to share sweet moments. i wish i could go back in time and fix us, so we could have been closer. i’m sorry if i didn’t comprehend where you coming from. i just thought you were a bitter old woman until i was 16 years old. i’m sorry for biting your nose as a baby. sorry for not doing whatever i was told. grandma dearest, i am sorry. i love you. i will love you forever.
the greatest love of them all… feeling things I’ve never felt before… I love him.
still frustrated. haven’t been this mad in a while tho. but at this point, i couldn’t give more than two fucks at life, or anyone. it’s in these kinda moments that i need someone to talk with, cuddle with and do naughty with. damn it.
kiss me tender, give me a boner, make me wiser, and i’ll love you forever.
I need to feel some pain. I need a new piercing or tattoo. Or both. I don’t know. I just need to feel something.
the irrational fear of failure
Slept 2 hours. Can’t get more sleep. Instead of tossing and turning for hours, I’ll do my ShiSeido e-learning thingy. Fuck it.
I honestly just wanna get high so I can escape everything and just be at peace with myself, or at least forget about everything especially these fucked up feelings.
i miss doing ballet.
drank champagne the entire evening. veuve clicquot ponsardin rosé, to be exact. drank of the bottle on my own. feeling good, feeling light. hello, the bourgeoisie.
insomnia won’t let me be great and rest a little. i start working at 8am. gotta leave my place at 6:35am. will i make it out alive..? i doubt.
I spent the entire day playing with my little Josué. It just hit me how big he got, how older he’s getting. This fall, he’s starting preschool. My cousin, his wife and I still get over it. Our little baby got so big… Today leaving him literally broke my heart. It made me realize that I’m only getting older and that I need to get my shits together this year… and the ones coming up.